iKnow Your Stars
by xtremesweetness
Summary: Hey! Everyone needs a laugh! Want to see the stars of iCarly get embarassed, angry or annoyed? So click on the link! Chapters 1,2 and 3 are up at the same time!
1. Chapter 1: Carly Shay

**Title: iKnow Your Stars**

**I was just staring at my window when I suddenly had an urge to type something down on my computer. And as a challenge, I will time myself on how fast I can type. WOHHHOOHH!! Anyways, some people are getting sick with all those romance and kissing and stuff. How 'bout some real fun? And yes, this story is quite random. The things you will read are the things that will just pop in my head. Remember, I'm being timed. Hehehe… Hope you'll enjoy!**

**Note: Everything that I've stated here are utterly unreal. Everything is made up just for fun. This story did not cause any of the characters to go insane, angry or turn them to crazy man-eating lions. **

**Legend: **_Italic – disembodied voice_

Non-Italic – character

**Disclaimer: **I do not own iCarly…. WAHHH!!!!

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**Chapter 1: Carly Shay**

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Carly Shay."_

"_Hosts a web show called iSnarly."_

"Actually its iCarly. The iSnarly is just a fictional website."

"_Carly Shay."_

"_A conceited, obnoxious, teen who loves drinking pickle juice."_

"What are you talking about? I don't drink pickle juice! Bleh! And who are you calling obnoxious?"

"_Carly Shay."_

"_She's a four-timing jerk."_

"_Has been known for having 4 boyfriends at the same time. Tsk-tsk-tsk."_

"I don't have 4 boyfriends! I never had 4 boyfriends in a single turn!"

"_Of course you do. You're too shy and nicey nicey to tell anyone."_

"Ugh! Can I go now?"

"_Carly Shay."_

"_Loves to belch in front of the teachers."_

"Hey! The only one who does that is Sam!"

"_Carly Shay."_

"_Wears bikinis and swimsuits whenever she goes to sleep."_

"WHAT?!? I DO NOT! Show yourself, you jerk!"

"_Carly Shay."_

"_Has an extremely bad breath that can stop a train. Two words for you, Carlito. Mouth Wash."_

"WHA- How DARE you insult me and tell me that I have a bad breath? Besides, I like use mouth wash everyday! And my name's not Carlito! It's Carly! I need to get out of here!"

"_Carly Shay."_

"_Loves to smell her underwear before placing it in the hamper."_

"Okay. Now you just crossed the line! Guards! Guards! Hey, where's the director?!? I demand to speak to whoever's in charge!"

"_(evil laughs) I am in charge."_

"Oh, you are so dead."

"_Security, would you please take this four-timing, underwear smelling jerk outside."_

[Armed guys grabbed Carly's arms and shoulders and dragged her outside]

"Hey! Stop it! I want to clear something up! I AM NOT A FOUR TIMER AND I DO NOT SMELL MY UNDERWEAR!"

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**Yeah, yeah. I know. It's nonsense. And I typed this for only 3 minutes and 22 seconds! YAY! Great improvement. Well, it is short. You know, I made Carly's, Sam's and Freddie's chapter in one day so please tell me if you like none of them, one of them, two of them or all of them. Anyways, please review! Constructive criticism is very much welcome. **

**Next Chapter: Samantha "Sam" Puckett**


	2. Chapter 2: Samantha Sam Puckett

**Title: iKnow Your Stars**

**Hey, I'm back. Carly's so-called interview is done. Now it's time for Sam's. **

**Note: Everything that I've stated here are utterly unreal. Everything is made up just for fun. This story did not cause any of the characters to go insane, angry or turn them to crazy man-eating lions. **

**Legend: **_Italic – disembodied voice_

Non-Italic – character

**Disclaimer: **Why the heck should I own iCarly? Whoever thought of that is nuts.

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**Chapter 2: Samanthat "Sam" Puckett**

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_The co-host of Carlito in a web show called iSnarly"_

"Uh… the show's iCarly. Carly's the name. Not Carlito. And you can call me Sam, you idiot."

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_Loves to kill rabbits and eat their stomachs."_

"I do not eat some hare's stomach! …. Um… I didn't, well, eat it."

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_Eats her popcorn by placing it on her nostrils."_

"Hey! I have never EVER eaten popcorn and plunged it in my nose! But I'd love to try that."

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_Most likely to die at the age of 37."_

"Alright! Want a piece of me punk? And lay off the 'Samantha' thing!"

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_Steals candy from a baby."_

"I did that when I was 6. I don't do that anymore. Now, I steal tickets for movie premiers, ID cards, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, car keys, my mom's foot massager…"

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_Licks her hands and feet clean."_

"At least you got that right. How many times do I have to tell you? Call me Sam, you nub."

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_Plays with her saliva whenever she drools... EWWWW!!!!"_

"Hey! I do not!" she looks at her feet. "Maybe?"

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_Drinks water from her toilet bowl."_

"Okay. I might be gross, but I'll never drink water from the toilet. Especially if my mom used it a few seconds ago. Where are you?!?!"

"_If there's one thing I know, you'll never find me, Samantha! NYAHAHAHAHA!"_

"Wanna go old school, you boob? I'll tear you limb from limb! And lay off the 'Samantha' or I'll tape your mouth and make you face the wrath of my fists!"

"_Samantha Puckett."_

"_Her first kiss was with a cow's butt."_

"ARGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! MY FIRST KISS WAS WITH A GUY! NOT WITH SOME DUMB ANIMALS BUTT!"

"_Aww... too afraid to admit it…"_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sam destroyed her chair and went towards the restricted area.

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[We may seem to have technical difficulties. Please wait for a few moments.]

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**I know, I know. That was one really stupid, not to mention icky. Was I funny? Or just plainly annoying? Please R & R. Wanna know what you think.**

**Next Chapter: Fredward "Freddie" Benson**


	3. Chapter 3: Fredward Freddie Benson

**Title: iKnow Your Stars**

**This story is very random, and I wish you guys will appreciate its randomness. If you don't then please review and tell me you don't appreciate it. This chapter, its Freddie's turn to shine (or get badly humiliated).**

**Note: Everything that I've stated here are utterly unreal. Everything is made up just for fun. This story did not cause any of the characters to go insane, angry or turn them to crazy man-eating lions. **

**Legend: **_Italic – disembodied voice_

Non-Italic – character

**Disclaimer: **Me? Own iCarly? You gotta be kidding me…

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**Chapter 3: Fredward "Freddie" Benson**

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Fredwardork Benson."_

"_Is the technical geek behind iSnarly."_

"My name's Fredward Benson. But you can call me Freddie. Almost everybody does. And wait – did you just say iSnarly?"

"_Fredwardork Benson."_

_Is in love with Carlito Shay even though he knew she would never love him back."_

"Um… her name's Carly. But, one day, one day, she'll love me. Just wait and see."

"_Dream on, Fredwardork."_

"My name's Freddie! Sheesh, what's your I.Q? 4?"

"_Fredwardork Benson."_

"_Likes to lick his camera's lens."_

"Whoa! Gross! Who'd do that?"

"_I bet you would."_

"WHAT?!?! I'll never lick my camera's lens! Are you nuts?"

"_Fredwardork Benson – "_

"I said my name is Freddie! Man! You and Sam could be distant relatives."

"_Fredwardork Benson."_

"_Wears Superman Pajamas whenever he sleeps."_

"For your information, I don't wear Superman PJs even though my mom wants me to wear them."

"_I suppose you got to sleep naked then?"_

"I… uh…"

"_Fredwardork Benson."_

"_He sleeps with nothing on_."

"Hey! I sleep with my socks on! And quit the 'Fredwardork'!"

"_Fredwardork Benson."_

"_Goes gah gah whenever he's with Sam."_

"Hey!" Sam calls out from backstage.

"Now that's personal!" Freddie shouted to no one in particular.

"_Fredwardork Benson."_

"_The first guy alive to kiss Lewbert's wart."_

"EW! You are one mad floating voice! If I'll find out who you are, I'll – I'll…"

"_Awww… What are you going to do? Call mommy and tell on me? Use your laptop to hit me? Oohh! Hire Sam to beat me up?"_

"Hey? Whoever you are? Leave me alone and start saying something truthful or nice."

"_Make me!"_

"Ughh!!! You are stubborn guy!"

"_What if I'm a girl?"_

"Oh, just shut up! Can I go home now?"

"_Aww… Fredwardork Benson wants to be home with his mommy."_

"Look," Freddie stood up and went to the restricted area. "For just once in your life would you keep on blah blah blah blah blah blah blah… or I'll whoop your blah blah blah blah blah!"

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**I'm so sorry if I wasn't really funny. You guys can suggest some things that are funny and I'll be glad to post or write it down in this story. Next week's gonna be Spencer's. Well, R & R!**

**Next Chapter: Spencer Shay**


	4. Chapter 4: Spencer Shay

**Title: iKnow Your Stars**

**Sorry I haven't been updating, you guys. I've been quite busy because of schoolwork. I'll just continue with the fanfic cause I know you're not interested with my lame life. Anyway, please review! **

**Note: Everything that I've stated here are utterly unreal. Everything is made up just for fun. This story did not cause any of the characters to go insane, angry or turn them to crazy man-eating lions. **

**Legend: **_Italic – disembodied voice_

Non-Italic – character

**Disclaimer: **Who the heck said that I'm the owner of iCarly? I'm not funny enough…

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**Chapter 4: Spencer Shay**

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Spencer Shay."_

"Hey, who said that?! Are you the cookie monster?"

"_I am the voice inside of your head. WOOOOOO!"_

"You sound like the ghost-story-telling-bra-who-thinks-he-tells-scary-ghost-stories-even-though-he-doensn't."

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_Likes to clean the toilet with his feet."_

"Okay, like EWWWW! Who do you think I am? Lewbert?"

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_Got slapped by 28 girls in a day."_

"I got slapped by 40 girls in a day? What kind of reporter are you?"

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_Drank Officer Carl's pee."_

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You are one absurd man. I'd love to meet you!"

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_First man alive to got to the moon – without a helmet."_

"I did that? Wow! Maybe I was sleepwalking when I did that!"

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_Dyed his underwear pink."_

"How did you know pink's my favorite color?

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_Doesn't even know what D.C. in Washington means."_

"Hey, hey! I know what D.C. in Washington means! What am I, stupid?"

"_Oh yeah? Would you mind telling me what D.C. is?"_

"Uh," Spencer frantically twitched his thumbs. "Denver Cheetos?"

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_Talks to himself all the time!"_

"Wa-wa-wa-wait? Are you stalking me?"

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_Has a big mole on his butt."_

"Whoa! I do not have a mole on my butt. It's just a big lump, not really a mole. Are you seriously stalking me? You should quit it, my man."

"_Spencer Shay."_

"_Wets on his bed."_

"I had that wetting problem when I was 22! I'm 27 now and I no longer pee on my bed! Well, except last Tuesday. I watched this horror movie and it was so scary that I went to bed without brushing my teeth and then I-"

"_Spencer Shay."_

_Has a he crush on Ms. Briggs."_

"You just crossed the line buddy. And of all people, why would you choose Ms. Briggs?!"

"_Awww… I can just imagine Ms. Briggs and Spencer walking down the road hand in hand. Coochie-coochie-coo"_

Spencer made a barfing sound. "BLEH! I hate Ms. Briggs. She is like the worst teacher ever. She has that crazy, red hair, her big bulgy eyes, her humongous boobs, her slimy fingers. And don't get me started on her feet. BLAH! It's just like you'd rather die than massage her putrid fe-"

"Mr. Shay," Ms. Briggs came from behind Spncer. "I would like to have a word with you in my office."

Spencer glanced at her. "I'm in a middle of an interview right now."

"I don't care if you're in a ridiculous interview!" Ms. Briggs shrieked. "I summon you to my office this instant."

Spencer laid back to his chair. "We are in L.A., not in Seattle. And I'm 27. You can't summon me like a stud-"

"NOW!" Ms. Briggs commanded.

Spencer hurriedly ran towards the backstage.

"And you stay out of this," Ms. Briggs pointed to the camera and left.

"_Hmm… Spencer was right about the slimy fingers. Whoever accepted her to be a teacher was oh, so, stupid."_

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**Sorry that wasn't funny at all. I'm really tired from school and can't think of anything funny to type. Hope you'll tune in for next chapter!**

**Next Chapter: Marissa Benson**


	5. Chapter 5: Marissa Benson

**Title: iKnow Your Stars**

**Sorry if I haven't been updating for a while. Hope you'll like this chapter and review if you have time. Reviews are much appreciated. **

**Note: Everything that I've stated here are utterly unreal. Everything is made up just for fun. This story did not cause any of the characters to go insane, angry or turn them to crazy man-eating lions. **

**Legend: **_Italic – disembodied voice_

Non-Italic – character

**Disclaimer: **I swear, even if I have to do that elbow swear thingies… I do not own iCarly.

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**Chapter 5: Marissa Benson**

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Know your stars…"_

"_Marissa Benson."_

"Excuse me but I think you should be introducing me in a proper way. How about call me Mrs. Marissa Benson."

"_Oookkkkayy…"_

"_Mrs.__ Marissa Benson"_

"That's better."

"_Mrs.__ Marissa Benson."_

"_The freakish mother of Fredwardork Benson."_

"Who are you? I am not freakish, mister. And I didn't name my son, Fredwardork. I named him Fredward."

"_Which is by the way, a freakish name just like you."_

"Don't you dare throw insults at me."

"_Mrs. Marissa Benson."_

"_She's a – "_

"What is wrong with your chair?"

"_Uh… expensive?"_

"No. It is very dusty. Since when did you clean? 1892?"

"_Um. Sorry 'bout that. We'll take that to the cleaners."_

"Very good. And I expect when I come back here, everything should be spick and span. And what is this?" Ms. Benson went towards the other side of the stage. She went back to the camera and held out a sock. "Gym socks. Very icky and grimy gym socks. This is not by my standards, clean!"

"_But our studio is very clean. That must've be – "_

"Sir, I don't think you know what the definition of clean is. I want this studio to be neat. Welcoming. Not some kind of home for the hobos!"

"_Well… I um… we'll get to it, ma'am."_

"_Maris – "_

"Mrs.!"

"_Mrs.__ Marissa Benson."_

"_Is a huge, repulsive, nagging machine."_

"Ugh! I am not! And you should get those cameras a check-up. Why do your lenses have dust on them? I should get Freddie to teach you a thing or two about caring for equipment. And you call this a television show segment? This is by far the most annoying, senseless –"

"_Marissa Ben –"_

"How many times do I have to tell you? Mrs. Marissa Benson!"

"_Okay! You are one wreck of a woman! You call this show annoying? Now look at yourself at the mirror. Oh wait. No, don't look at the mirror. The glass would probably shatter into a million pieces."_

"Ugh! I have never been so insulted in my entire life!"

"_Well, I have never been so nagged before in my entire life! How can Fredwardork even live with you?"_

"For your information, Freddie enjoys living with me."

"_Oh really? And why does Fredwardork keeps on telling behind your back that you make his life miserable? And that he can no longer take any more tick baths?"_

"Uh-oh," Freddie grimaces at the backstage.

"Told ya you shouldn't have brought your mom," Sam said, patting Freddie at his shoulder.

"FREDDIE!" Mrs. Benson thundered and went towards the backstage.

"_You'd better run. Hehehe…"_

Freddie runs while Mrs. Benson chases him.

"Get back here, mister! I am your mother! You will not tell stories behind my back!"

"_Well, sorry that our conversation with __Mrs.__ Marissa Benson was cut short but it seems that she is having a mother and son bonding."_

"I HATE YOU!" Freddie shouts at the ceiling as he runs towards the backstage.

"_I hate you too." [evil laughs]_

He peers at his shoulder and sees his mom gaining speed. "Getting ratted out by the old lady. Harsh."

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**Sorry if it's ****so**** dull. I'm not that funny actually. Please review and place some suggestions or you could just PM me. Thanks for reading! Please review! I'm actually planning for Lewbert the doorman to be the next guest on the next chapter but I think I should end this coz I'm not really that funny. Do you guys want me to continue? Please review!**


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